Save your relationship. Avoid boredom

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.Read this if: You feel sick of the routine in your relationship or you want to prevent it from taking over your love life

Gain: Ideas how to maintain the excitement in the long term and how to encourage your spouse to be an equally active partner to you in avoiding the destructive relationship boredom

Cost: At the beginning perseverance to change the routine and make some changes but the fruits of your actions should outweigh by far the efforts you’ve made as long as both of you collaborate as real partners

According to the website http://www.divorcestatistics.org, 45% to 50% of first marriages in USA end in divorce. The reasons may vary a lot. What people most often claim is character incompatibility. Rarely do people mention boredom as a reason for a break up or a divorce. Yet, it underlies many of the other problems couples have and fight over.

Why boredom should really bother youImage may be NSFW.
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Although boredom may seem a too minor problem to ruin a relationship, it is like the water that slowly but incessantly destroys the rock until it’s eaten up completely by erosion.

Anaïs Nin, a French-Cuban writer, whose professional explorations and life were focused on relationships, says:

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”

At the beginning of a relationship, you still feel a certain level of insecurity and appreciate every minute spent with your spouse but in the course of time, especially after marriage takes place, people get the misleading feeling of security. They don’t realize the vulnerability and dynamics of love relations. Since change is the only certain thing in life, it’s better to manage the direction of changes than let yourself be carried away by the tide.

One of the reasons people fall in love is because they perceive the other person as a challenge – intellectual and emotional, to attract and keep their interest. Challenge is the opposite of boredom. If that challenge disappears entirely, a person is much more likely to start searching, consciously or subconsciously, for a new challenge and they find it in the face of a new object of attraction.

The result is even less attention given to the spouse. Fights occur more and more frequently even at the slightest occasion. Resentment replaces the last traces of tenderness and emotional bonding. Then the question of a break up/divorce appears and often people ask themselves: “How did we reach this point?” It’s difficult to see the exact time of the beginning of the deterioration of the relationship.

Sometimes it is easier to overcome a sudden crisis as it alerts people to react actively and fast whereas in situations when the problem is not so severe but it gradually worsens the relation, people underestimate and ignore it for too long.

Look at the suggestions how to avoid relationship boredom:

Adjust your attitude

* The long duration of a relationship and the marriage signature don’t guarantee couples security. You should keep in focus the idea not to take your spouse for granted.

* “Hugging” your partner without suppressing them. Having a possessive behavior towards your beloved can easily destroy the thrill and passion as the other person will feel the relationship with you as a duty not a privilege. As Jorge Bucay, the famous psychologist and author of “To Love Each Other with Open Eyes”, says: “To be always ready to let the other person leave is the only opportunity to maintain a constantly renewing and enriching relationship.”

* Variety. It is the breath of fresh air a relationship needs on a regular Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.basis. Surprise your spouse with different things – little presents without occasions, suggestions how to spend the spare time and choosing new places to visit in the location you live and abroad, etc.

It also means changing the roles – of being a supporter and being supported, of taking the lead and following your beloved. This applies to sexual relations too.

* Do something that is out of your comfort zone, unexpected and Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.impractical despite fearing that it’s a bit childish or teenage-like – dance with your beloved in the rain, play games with snowballs, slide with nylon on the snow, etc. It’s extremely liberating and provokes genuine laughter.

* Dialogues. To be sure about your spouse’s preferences and show consideration of their desires and interests, rely on having dialogues with them. An interesting relationship involves common topics to talk about. Conversations aren’t just a means of getting and giving information, they are an exchange of emotions and an energy flow in both directions.

* Remain involved in activities and hobbies that make you Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.happy. Expecting that your spouse will fulfill entirely your need of pleasure and excitement means you are too dependent on them and it turns you into a burden. You will be much more interesting to them if you have your own passions – sports, something creative (like a drawing course, wood-carving, horse-riding, etc), meetings with your friends, etc.

The writer Grethcen Rubin says in her book “The Happiness Project” that scientific research gives evidence that happy people are more altruistic, generous, joyful, patient, forgiving and willing to give others pleasure. Ensuring your own happiness is highly beneficial for a healthy relationship.

* Realize the connection between romantic experiences and Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.female desire for sex. Don’t rule out romance and special gestures of attention as something that only new couples can enjoy. Cindy Meston, Ph.D. and Professor David Buss, Ph.D. reveal in their book “Why Women Have Sex” the results of surveys showing that one of the main reasons for the sexual boredom women feel in long-term relationships is due to the fact that either their partners lack creativity in bed or even if variety is present in the way they make love, the men don’t show the love they feel in their everyday actions.

Small details can go a long way – complimenting their spouse for a new haircut, thanking her for the meal she’s cooked, leaving messages for her on paper, email, phone that exclude pragmatic subjects like whose turn it is to buy food tonight, finding an interesting piece of information or a humorous event at Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.work to tell her at dinner (a vast majority of women are aroused by exciting and funny communication), planning weekend excursions, organizing a walk in the park with friends, going to the cinema, theater, etc.

You will have quality sex with your spouse and she will be equally interested in having sex with you as you are with her if you accept that the foreplay for women starts long before the actual intimate moment. It involves the way you treat her the whole time and the things you do every day to avoid boredom in the relationship.

* Women should also take the initiative on a regular basis to discover opportunities for entertainment and show appreciation of their man.

When you realize the importance of keeping boredom at bay but your partner doesn’t

A partnership is made of two people and in order for it to be functional, there should be a balance between giving and receiving. What if you have realized the adverse effect of routine and inertia on relationships but your spouse hasn’t?

* Be an example to your partner by suggesting new ideas for spending the time together and making pleasant surprises as well as enriching your life with new experiences

If after a month or two you see that this doesn’t help and your partner either doesn’t notice the changes or they like them but don’t feel the urge to respond by making some positive changes too, then you can talk with them and try to draw their focus to sources of information on the subject.

In an Internet discussion on ways to spice up a marriage, a woman shares her worries that her efforts haven’t had the desired effect:

“These are wonderful ideas. Some of which i try quite often. But my husband is non responsive. I send him steamy texts telling him what i want to do to him when he gets home and he just says we’ll see. I sneak up on him and hug him from behind and kiss him at random. But he doesn’t seem to care that i’m trying.”

Her filled with bitterness confession received lots of replies from other women with the same problem.

In her book “What Women Want Men to Know” Barbara De Angelis suggests several options how to attract a spouse’s attention to this book or other similar sources:

* Do not force your partner to read it. It’s much better to give the book with a message written on it: “Because I love you and I’ve always wanted to have a fantastic relationship and a fabulous sexual life…” which says the truth in a loving and respectful way.

* Promise your spouse something he really enjoys in return for some timeImage may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. spent reading parts of the book together

* Retell an interesting part from the book to your partner that is likely to stir his curiosity and discuss it with him. Hopefully, this will catch his interest enough to make him want to read the whole book.

If none of these ideas works, you will need to reassess the value of this relationship and answer honestly whether you are happy in it and whether you can accept it as it is since there isn’t a big chance for a change. Unfortunately, the reluctance of a spouse to take an active part in improving the relationship is one of the reasons that lead to a separation.

The bottom line is that you will be able to get over problems in your relationship, avoid boredom and keep it lively and fresh when you both love each other sincerely. According to Jorge Bucay’s definition of love it is the state in which you are genuinely interested in boosting the other person’s happiness as they are boosting yours. This should be stimulating enough for both partners to take the time and make the effort to explore different sources for ways to enrich their relationship and apply the ideas in practice.

Recommended books:

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Clik here to view.Image may be NSFW.
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What Women Want Men to KnowImage may be NSFW.
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